A grudge is an emotion of anger, resentment, or hatred towards someone for something that you consider they once did, specifically a wrong that you believe they once committed against you. The word grudge itself is usually used to describe this emotion when it's been held for some time, often years even, ago. It can be held at random or with specific intent. Grudges can affect family members, friends, work colleagues, enemies, and even complete strangers. In many cases, these grudges will disappear as time goes by but sometimes they won't.
One way to describe a grudge, whether it's an individual or group, is "a deep sense of dissatisfaction or annoyance." Grudges can arise out of any situation or any person. If there is an ongoing problem between two (or more) people, such as an abusive relationship or lack of respect between two coworkers, then the resulting grudge can prove to be surprisingly resilient. Grudges are particularly common in organizations and often occur during difficult times. For example, during the Arab Spring uprisings, thousands of protesters took to the streets in a unified manner but throughout the day several individuals remained angry and voiced their discontent with the system through stone throwing and other forms of public display of discontent.
While some people are born with a grudge and others come to possess it through circumstances, no matter when grudges develop they tend to stay with us for a lifetime. Whether we like it or not, everyone experiences and owns a grudge. What causes an individual or couple to hold a grudge against another is largely personal to them. While some grudges may stem from a past experience (for example, a child who was publicly ridiculed because he or she cried during a play), others are formed at specific points in life (such as an employee who is constantly belittled by his or her supervisor). Regardless of why someone holds a grudge, the mere association or perception of a negative emotion is enough to fuel a personal vendetta. So if you are reading this article you are probably carrying a grudge against your spouse, partner, sibling, friend or even a co-worker.
Although everyone deals with grudges at one point or another, the key to unleashing the anger or frustration that can fuel a grudge is not to stop the problem at its source. If you are the root cause of your partner or spouse's grudge, then you have to accept responsibility for fixing the problem or preventing it from happening again. Although it can feel like all you want is to lash out and destroy your grudge match with your spouse or significant other, this will not help your cause. Rather than dwelling on why you are feeling the way you do, the key to solving your problem is to face the issue head-on, no matter how disturbing it might be. Instead of blaming your spouse or significant other, confront the issue and work out a plan to fix it. While it may be a painful process, doing so will help you to move on from your grudge quickly and will make you more productive in your personal and professional relationships.
In terms of proper verb usage, grudge means to hatred or to be angry at somebody, while grudge match simply refers to an interaction in which two parties are disagreeing. In order to properly refer to a grudge in either context, the word should follow the exact grammar rules of the sentence, including tense, number and person. For example "I don't appreciate having to deal with the grudges of my ex-wife", rather than "My ex-wife is annoying me by having a grudge."
The most important rule when it comes to dealing with a grudge or begrudge is that you must never express anger or hatred toward anyone. Instead, focus all of your energy on ridding yourself of this affliction. Although this is easier said than done, try to be honest with yourself about why you are grumbling about someone. There might be some valid point in saying that your ex-wife was irrational and that she deserved to be taken care of, but saying things like, "I hate that woman for making me feel like such an idiot," is not going to change anything. In fact, it will only cause you to become more suspicious and distrustful because you are constantly thinking about how that particular situation could have been handled differently.